Fwd: : The Gay Cowboy

 

The Gay Cowboy A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.   Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.   She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.   He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.   For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.   Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."   The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.   He returned around 2:30 am, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.   She quietly called him over to her.   "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.   "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.   "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.   "Now take off my skirt."   He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight.   "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.   Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"

Fwd: : Amish Elevator

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,  silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.' While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old  lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a  button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a  small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..... 'Go get your Mother'

Fwd: : What is Celibacy?

What is Celibacy? Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.   While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Dorcus listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."   He then addressed the men. "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?"   Frank leaned over, touched Dorcus's arm gently, and whispered, "Gold Medal-All-Purpose, Isn't it?"   And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.       SMILE TODAY

Fwd: Golf Course

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

 

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." 
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer." 

Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" 

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.' 

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?" 
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."